


From Now to Forever

by Cinnamontaetae



Series: Even the Stars Have Left [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Hint of Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Its much more light hearted, M/M, Please read that one first, This overlaps with Even the Stars Have Left, okay so more than a hint of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 05:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7606264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinnamontaetae/pseuds/Cinnamontaetae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongdae and Chanyeol start college and are immediately faced with some surprises<br/>1: Baekhyun is back<br/>2: Jongdae's roommate is attractive<br/>3: Jongdae thinks his roommate is attractive <br/>Not necessarily in that order.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Finally finished this!   
> This is a continuation of Even the Stars Have Left but tells it from Chen's side starting from when they move into their rooms at college.   
> If you haven't read that please do before you read this because ~spoilers~   
> Also you'll be a bit confused (much like Minseok)   
> I did my best with this (at like 1 in the morning for several weeks)   
> Enjoy! (Or don't, who am I to tell you what to do?)

Jongdae shuffles into the small dorm room that is going to be his home for the year. He drags his suitcase, backpack, and a box of belongings into the currently spacious looking room. He just parted ways with Chanyeol at the staircase after helping Chanyeol unpack and get situated in his room. He was thankful his friend was only a floor away instead of in the neighboring building or even worse, across campus. He can’t wait to meet his roommate and hopes that they will be friendly. Unlike Chanyeol’s roommate, who won’t be living in the dorm for at least another week, his roommate is supposed to be there soon. After all, classes start in two days. 

Jongdae decides to kill time by unpacking and decorating his own side of the room. And no, he does not pick the side with the more comfortable bed. He doesn’t really mind because either way it’s going to take him a while to get used to it. He unpacks his clothes, putting them neatly away in various drawers. He then unpacks his textbooks and some other fun books to read and sets them on the small desk on his side. After that he starts arranging more personal things. He has some plushies that he puts on his bed along with his special pink blanket. He puts more things on top of the dresser and on his desk such as albums, a couple movies, his laptop, headphones, and a bluetooth speaker. He then migrates to the small bathroom attached to their room and puts his shampoo, toothbrush, toothpaste, and other necessities in there.

Shortly after, Chanyeol comes to Jongdae’s room to see if he needs help with anything. Once they are as finished as they can be at that moment, the two set out to explore the campus. 

The campus is not too large, but it’s not tiny either. Chanyeol and Jongdae attempt to locate all the buildings they will need to use for classes and such. They find the cafeteria and the library followed by a leisurely walk past sport fields and through the green. They agree to look around town the next day and head back to their respective rooms. 

When Jongdae opens the door to his room, the first thing he notices is that it is much more cluttered than how he left it. The other side of the room is filled with various things from literal towers of books to a coffee machine to a fluffy wolf blanket in a messy pile on the bed. He goes and sits down on his own bed, deciding to wait for his roommate to come back. As he waits, he solves puzzles on his phone. He completes three by the time the door to his room opens, so he quickly sets his phone down to greet the person entering. 

His first impression is that the guy looks like the pork buns he used to buy at a Chinese food market near his old home. He is pale and has an adorably round face with big eyes that aren’t very round and fluffy light brown hair that covers his forehead. He also is a bit on the short side. Contrasting to his face, his arms are well muscled and are shown off by the black tank top he is wearing. Surprise crosses his face when his eyes land on Jongdae. 

“Oh hi!” He says in a voice that was a little higher pitched than Jongdae was expecting. “You must be my new roommate!” 

“Uh yeah, why else would I be in here” Jongdae replies.

“Dunno, maybe you could be some creepy stalker person” the other guys says with a smile. 

Jongdae laughs at this and is glad to know that his roommate has a sense of humor. 

“My name is Minseok, you?”

“Jongdae, nice to meet you.”

The rest of the evening consists mostly of slightly awkward silences and a few exchanged words as both try to adjust to their new room and new acquaintance. They soon agree to turn off their lights and try to get some sleep. However, Jongdae stays awake thinking about his new roommate. 

_ How on earth did I get such an adorable roommate. Gosh I am so screwed.  _

The next day Chanyeol and Jongdae meet up and explore the town as promised. They find a small café very close to the university and wordlessly decide that this will be their new equivalent to the café back home. It has a similar friendly and homey vibe to it. They also agree that is has a great selection of drinks and treats to choose from. During the day they also find another library, a music store, several antique stores, a handful of convenience stores, a pharmacy, supermarket, a couple fast food places as well as actual restaurants, an art gallery, and an old looking book store. They even hear that there is an amusement park several towns over so, although it’s farther than the one back home had been, it’s not completely out of the picture. Jongdae and Chanyeol are absolutely thrilled about the town. 

A week passes and Jongdae and Minseok find each other very pleasant. They are both friendly enough and neither have many rules for their room. For the most part their rules are to be quite if the other one requests it, keep the room relatively clean, ask before using something that belongs to the other, and abide by the normal dorm rules. Neither would consider the other a friend yet, but they’re getting there. 

On a different note, Chanyeol’s roommate arrived and both him and Jongdae are surprised by the guy. He is a bit taller than Chen but way shorter than Chanyeol and is about the most muscular guy either of them have ever seen. Both deem him livable but Jongdae is secretly glad he doesn’t have to share a room with him. 

Several days later, Jongdae and Minseok are talking as they get ready for class. It is mid afternoon and Jongdae had started this little conversation by complaining about how hot it is and how much he doesn’t want to go outside of their room. This sparks a light hearted conversation that drifts around from various topics about where they lived before this. Jongdae explains that although summers in his old town did get hot, it was usually never as hot as this. Minseok just shrugs and says that he grew up not far from here so this temperature is normal to him. Plus maybe if Jongdae wore lighter clothes like he himself did, he wouldn’t be having such a problem. Jongdae retorts that the difference between a t-shirt and a tank top is miniscule and wouldn’t change a thing. Their playful argument is interrupted by a knock on the door. Jongdae opens it to reveal two people he doesn’t recognize. 

“Hello?” Jongdae says.

“Oh hi! You must be Minseok’s roommate, right? Is he here?” The taller and tanner of the two says. “Oh wait I see him. Hi Min!” 

Jongdae lets them into the room and they immediately start talking to Minseok and since they are literally right there, Jongdae can’t help but overhear when the two, or really the taller one, loudly exclaims that they are dating. Minseok’s face lights up and he congratulates the two along with an “About time you two started dating.” 

The three excitedly talk for a while before they remember that there is a fourth person in the room. Upon realizing this fact, the two look a bit nervous and Jongdae can’t blame them. Before they can say anything, Jongdae says,

“Congrats! You two must be so happy together!” 

This seems to take them by surprise but in a good way. They relax and finally decided to introduce themselves. 

“I’m Jongin, and this is my best friend, well now boyfriend-”

“Kyungsoo” The shorter one buts in. “We are good friends of Minseok.” 

“I could tell.” Jongdae says with a smile. “I’m Jongdae, it’s a pleasure.” 

They all talk for a bit until Jongdae and Minseok point out that they really have to go to class and they all leave their room. The couple walks off holding hands and Minseok heads off in a different direction.

As Jongdae walks to class he decides to tell Chanyeol the exciting news. He simply can’t keep it to himself and it’s not like he was sworn to secrecy plus he knows he can trust Chanyeol. As soon as Chanyeol picks up he starts talking.

“Chanyeol guess what!” Jongdae says excitedly.

“Uh what?” 

“I said guess,” he whines but continues on, “I guess I’ll tell you anyway.” He takes a deep breath to calm down enough to not stumble over his words. “My roommate has these two friends and apparently they’ve all been friends for a couple years.” 

“And?” Chanyeol says, sensing more.

“And his friends just started dating! Isn’t that the cutest thing ever! They were walking around holding hands today!” 

“Yeah that's cute and all but tell them to be careful. There are people here who seem to be like some people at our high school.” Jongdae senses something off about his voice.

“Oh? Like who?”

“Like my roommate.” 

There is silence for a minute. Then Jongdae says, “Get out of that room now. I’ll even convince my roommate to let you stay here until you can get your room changed. Please.” 

Jongdae won’t let it go until Chanyeol finally agrees to try to get his room changed. He will not have his best friend rooming with the type of person who is responsible for his friend’s boyfriend’s death and all of his suffering afterward. 

He is relieved to find out that the other guy will be switching rooms- not Chanyeol. He is glad Chanyeol is staying close by. He expresses this to Minseok and this sparks a conversation that leads Jongdae into telling Minseok about how he and Chanyeol met. Which leads to them spending the evening exchanging stories about high school and their friends. Jongdae hopes that this really will be the start of a friendship and a very very small part of his brain adds,  _ or even more. _

The day after Chanyeol got his new roommate, the two friends decide to meet at the café they had found and to bring their roommates with them. Jongdae is excited for Chanyeol and Minseok to finally meet and hopes Chanyeol will like Minseok as much as Minseok’s friends seem to like himself. Jongdae and Minseok arrive first and order drinks before they sit down. Jongdae, being ever the sugar lover, got green tea bubble tea while Minseok got an iced americano. The two sit quietly waiting for Chanyeol and his roommate to arrive. 

When Chanyeol finally gets there, we waves to Jongdae and then leads his roommate to the counter to order. Jongdae studies the shorter of the two. His hair is cotton candy pink and is a full head shorter than Chanyeol. He is wearing a large fitting shirt but it is apparent that he is thin from his skinny arms and legs. He also notices how happy and energetic Chanyeol is and how brightly he is smiling at the shorter one. As the two turn toward the table and make their way over, Jongdae can’t help but think that he recognizes the guy but from somewhere, he does not know.  

“Hey! You finally made it!” Jongdae says.

“Ha yeah, sorry about being so late, we were talking…” Chanyeol trails off looking at the guy with pink hair. 

“So, this is my roommate, Minseok, whom I can’t believe I hadn’t introduced to you yet.”

“And this is my new roommate...Don’t you recognize him?” Chanyeol is wearing a ridiculously goofy grin.

“Sort of…” 

“Jongdae” He whines “Come on!” 

“I don’t know! I guess…” Something clicks in his head. “No way… But, but-” He quickly falls silent. 

“Please say hi to Baekhyun.” 

Jongdae’s jaw drops. He can’t find any words. His best friend’s deceased boyfriend is back. “Hi” He says after a while because what else can he say? He had never met the guy and only had seen the select pictures that Chanyeol had ever shown him. 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun quietly giggle with each other at Jongdae’s reaction. 

“Hi Jongdae, it’s nice to meet you.” Baekhyun smiles gently at Jongdae. “Thank you so much for taking care of this big idiot for me.” He looks sincere. 

“How is this possible?” Jongdae asks. 

“I… I’ll explain later but right now it seems your friend is feeling a little left out, why don’t we talk about something else?” Baekhyun seems eager to change the subject and Chanyeol picks up on that quickly and starts talking about classes. He excited talks about how well his music theory class is going and then asks the others what classes they are finding fun. Jongdae says that he likes the culinary class he decided to take on a whim. Minseok says that he loves his home economics class. Baekhyun says that he isn’t really enjoying any of his classes so far. 

They spend the rest of the afternoon in mostly comfortable conversation, although Jongdae can’t stop staring at Baekhyun as if he is seeing a ghost. Eventually Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Jongdae leave Minseok at his room and head to Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s room. 

“So do I get to know what’s going on now?” Jongdae whines.

“Well, you see,” Baekhyun starts, now looking a bit nervous, “I tried to convince myself that ending everything was the only way but I promised Yeol that I would never hurt myself again so I just couldn’t. But then I realized that I could get away without people trying to look for me so I faked it. The whole thing was fake and I hate that I put my parents and Yeol through so much pain and I hate that at the time I thought it was the only way but by the time I came to my senses, it was too late to reverse everything. I ran away using whatever transportation I could and trying to make sure no one saw my face. I finally got far enough away that no one would recognize me and ended up being taken in by a nice old couple. Somehow, I convinced them to let me stay and they said that if I could get a job they would let me stay and even homeschool me. Also, as you can see, I changed my appearance just in case. I was shocked and kind of scared when I saw that Chanyeol was my new roommate.” He can’t get through the whole story without tears running down his face. Chanyeol gently takes his hand and then brushes away Baekhyun’s tears. Chanyeol then picks up the story.

“I had a nightmare last night about losing Baekhyun and he woke up and asked me to talk to him about it so I did and then he started crying and asked me to forgive him. Then he explained himself a bit and proved that he was here and real and then he told me the rest this morning.” 

Jongdae is silent for a long time but then finally speaks. “I really want to slap him right now, but don’t worry, I’m not that mean. But seriously.” 

Baekhyun sadly smiles. “I would deserve it.” 

Jongdae feels his heart give an uncomfortable tug. He tries not to think about how familiar that sounds. 

“Um, so anyway,” Jongdae starts, eager to change the subject, “you two are totally getting back together right?” 

“As if we wouldn’t” Chanyeol says with an eye roll and a light punch to Jongdae’s shoulder. “Right Baekhyunnie~” 

“Of course Channie~” 

“Oh my gosh you two are disgusting, stop it.” 

The trio bursts into fits of laughter. 


	2. Unfocused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oookay  
> I apologize... this took way too long to publish....  
> Also, apparently I'm horrible at keeping angst out of my fics sooo  
> there will be more than I expected

Weeks go by after Baekhyun came back and he seems to fit seamlessly into their life. He is always seen with Chanyeol and the two are quite obviously so in love. Jongdae is incredibly happy for the reunited couple but at times he gets lonely and a bit jealous. Sometime he thinks that Chanyeol is ignoring him and not hanging out with him because of Baekhyun, but then scolds himself for thinking like that because these best friends turned lovers haven’t seen each other in years and deserve time together. 

During this time he has grown to be friends with Minseok and his two friends. He warned the two that there were people there that would love to remove them from the world permanently. They said that whoever it was would have a difficult time with that because as long as they had the other, they wouldn’t be removed or at least go down fighting. In addition, his tiny crush on his roommate has grown significantly. It’s not so tiny anymore. 

“...Jongdae are you listening?” 

Jongdae blinks and drags his thoughts away from how cute is roommate currently looks. 

“Yeah I was listening” Jongdae replies even though he certainly wasn’t listening.

“So you can help pay the hundred dollars?”

“Wait what?” What hundred dollars? I really should have payed attention! Jongdae frantically thinks of why Minseok could possible need one hundred dollars.

“You really weren’t listening were you?”

“Sorry no, why do you need that much money?”

“I don’t you dofus, I was just seeing if you had been listening or not” Minseok gives him a pointed look. Jongdae pouts, whining that that was unfair and he would have been shocked even if he had been paying attention. Minseok laughs at him and repeats what he had said before, which was that he was going to a job interview tomorrow and was wondering if Jongdae would come with him for moral support.

“You want me to come? Why not your friends?” 

Minseok looks at him like he is an idiot. “You are my friend, and the other two are busy on a date tomorrow.” 

Jongdae feels guilty about implying that they aren’t friends. It’s not that he meant it that way, it’s just that he still just refers to the other two as Minseok’s friends. Or maybe that part of him that wants to be more than friends kicked in a little. Or that he feels inferior to the friends that Minseok has had since high school and that he needs to be on their level to actually be friends, which is impossible for him to catch up on years worth of friendship. 

“I guess I’ll come with you” Great now it seems like you don’t want to.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No I’d love to go with you!” Jongdae blurts out. Now you just sound weird, get a hold of yourself! 

 

That night he tries so hard not to think that he is going on a date tomorrow. It isn’t. Just an outing for moral support for his friend who is trying to get a job, he thinks. He spends most of the time he should be sleeping trying to convince himself that it is not anything special. 

 

The next day, the two of them head out for Minseok’s interview. Minseok will never know that Jongdae had spent most of the morning thinking about what he was going to wear because he wants to look nice because it’s a job interview and he doesn’t want Minseok’s hopefully soon to be new boss thinking his friends are slobs. Or at least that’s what he tells himself. 

They go to the coffee shop that the two of them and Chanyeol and Baekhyun had been to before and order. Jongdae gets an oreo milkshake and Minseok gets an iced americano, as per usual. Jongdae asks why they are here. Minseok replies that they left early so they might as well chill before the interview. 

It’s just for convenience, it’s not a date, it’s not a date. 

Realizing that Minseok had said something, Jongdae says, “Sorry what was that?”

“Wow you have a short attention span” Minseok says with a laugh, “I said, this is where I might be getting a job, so that's why I thought we could get something before hand.” 

“Oh, cool! Then you might see a lot of Chanyeol and his roommate, they love this place.” 

While saying this, Jongdae almost wishes he hadn’t asked him to repeat what he said. It really was just for convenience. 

Minseok finishes his drink and checks the time. “I have to go now, wait here for me okay?” Jongdae nods and Minseok gets up and tells the person at the register that he is there for the interview. The person leads him to the back and before Minseok disappears from sight, he turns and flashes a thumbs up at Jongdae. 

 

What feels like hours later, but in reality is probably less than one hour, Minseok walks over to the table where he left Jongdae with a face splitting smile on his face. 

Looking up, Jongdae says “Well someone is happy.”

Minseok smiles back, “Yeah well, I’m basically hired! Thank you so much for coming with me, I would probably have been a nervous wreck otherwise.” 

“You don’t have to thank me for just sitting here.” Jongdae replies, feeling flustered.

The pair walk out of the coffee shop and head back toward their dorm building. They are passing one of the convenience stores when Jongdae thinks that now is his chance to spend more time with Minseok outside of their room. 

“Hey, I actually need to buy a couple things.”

“Oh? I’ll come with you! It’s the least I could do after dragging you out here.” 

Jongdae is relieved that he doesn’t have to ask Minseok to come with him because that would be a whole rainbow of awkward. They enter the little store and Jongdae finds some things they actually need, such as toothpaste and duct tape, then asks Minseok if there is anything he wants from the store, bringing him to the aisle with snacks and candy. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, I have some spare money so we can buy some extra stuff.” The two spend the next ten minutes picking various snacks and sweets that they agree to eat while watching a movie back in their room. Jongdae wonders if he died and went to heaven. Then he remembers that they are friends and roommate on top of that so this is perfectly normal and not special at all. He tries to keep these thoughts in his head but it is so hard when Minseok smiles at him like he is the best thing in the world. Wishful thinking, he reprimands himself. 

The rest of the walk home is spent deciding just which movie they should watch. The list is endless and both of them think the other’s suggestions are really good movies so it takes them until they are settling down on Jongdae’s bed and spreading out all the snacks in front of his computer to make a final decision on which movie to watch. Jongdae pulls up a free and completely legal movie and drama watching website and finds the movie, Twenty. 

They know they picked a good movie when they are dying of laughter with tears streaming down their faces halfway through. It is perfect for Minseok to de-stress and for Jongdae to effectively take his mind off the boy sitting right next to him. Until Minseok starts clinging to Jongdae’s shoulder to keep himself up because he is about to fall off the bed from laughing. That is when Jongdae snaps back to reality and Minseok is so close, practically sitting on his leg. Jongdae thinks his brain short-circuited because now he can’t think and can’t focus. 

When did my crush become this big? 

After the movie ends along with their sugar high, Minseok decides it would be a great idea to just go to sleep where he is. On Jongdae’s bed. With Jongdae. And fall asleep in a position that makes it very difficult for Jongdae to get up and possibly try to sleep elsewhere. Jongdae resigns himself to the fact that he won’t be getting sleep that night, but he can’t bring himself to be even the slightest bit annoyed. He doesn’t watch Minseok sleep because that’s creepy but he does close his eyes and listen to his breathing. 

Jongdae is surprised when he wakes up and there is sun shining faintly outside the window. He begins to sit up but there is a weight on his chest and oh right, Minseok had fallen asleep with his arm on Jongdae. He looks down and finds that Minseok’s head, which had previously been resting by Jongdae’s arm, is now on his chest as well. He feels his face heat up. 

I wish this could last forever.

Shut up me.

He hesitates before gently pushing Minseok’s head and arm off of himself so he can get up. Minseok stirs, nearly giving Jongdae a heart attack, before slipping back into sleep. As quietly as he can, Jongdae tiptoes to the bathroom and brushes his teeth followed by a short shower. 

When he returns to their room, Minseok is awake and rubbing his eyes, sitting on Jongdae’s bed. Jongdae thinks he looks absolutely adorable, not that he would ever say that out loud. 

“Morning” Minseok sleepily mumbles when he spots Jongdae.

“Good morning sleepy head” Jongdae says back. 

“Why…” Minseok trails off as he spots all the candy wrappers around the bed and his face lights up “Oh yeah! Sorry for stealing your bed, I hope it wasn’t too cramped!” 

“Nah it was fine, I didn’t mind” 

“Really?”

“Yeah really, I mean, you are my roo-friend. You are my friend.”

Minseok smiles widely. “You almost said roommate didn’t you?” He says in a fake accusatory voice. 

“Haha no, no way.”

“You did!” Minseok laughs as he tackles Jongdae. “This is your punishment for calling me just your roommate!” He yells while beginning to ruthlessly tickle Jongdae. He lets out an unearthly screech and tries to wriggle away, laughing too hard to beg for him to stop.

 

After they calm down and get ready for the day Jongdae realizes that he is on the verge of being ridiculously late for his plans for that day.

“I’m meeting up with Chanyeol and Baekhyun again today, want to come? I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.” 

“Ah no thanks, Jongin and Kyungsoo promised to hang out with me today because they feel bad about not coming with me yesterday even though I told them it was fine. I mean, I had you there.” 

Jongdae can feel his face begin to heat up, so he quickly turns away before Minseok can see the blush beginning to spread across his cheeks. 

“O-Okay. Have fun.” Jongdae says. Then he grabs his phone and all but runs out of their room leaving a confused Minseok.

 

Jongdae reaches the usual café for their now regular meet ups, which happens to be the place he and Minseok were at the day before. He swiftly finds the recently reunited couple and sits down, completely forgetting to order. 

“You okay man? You look a bit red in the face.” Chanyeol states with a slightly concerned expression on his face.

“Y-yeah, just like ran all the way here is all.” 

Chanyeol laughs “You always are running late.” 

“Aren’t you going to order?” Baekhyun asks after a moment of silence.

“Oh, right, be right back.” Jongdae hurriedly gets up and walks to the counter, distractedly ordering some far to sugary mocha. He returns to their table after getting his drink, dropping in on a conversation about the past several years. This seems to be a popular topic now, Jongdae thinks to himself. 

“I still can’t believe you don’t hate me for leaving like that.” 

“Are you kidding? I could never hate you!” 

“But I would deserve it.”

“No, no, no. Don’t say that Baek.” 

Jongdae feels like they didn’t notice that he sat down, so he decides to stay quiet and not interrupt. 

“But-”

“No buts, it’s my fault I couldn’t protect you. It’s my fault we went public. Baek, it’s all my fault..” 

As Chanyeol trails off, his sentence strikes an unpleasant cord in Jongdae. He doesn’t realize that tears are falling down his face until a teary eyed Baekhyun says, “Jongdae, when did… are you okay?” He finishes the sentence with a hint of alarm in his voice. 

Jongdae returns to his senses and reaches a trembling hand toward his drink, muttering “Yeah, yes I’m fine” Instead of picking it up, he knocks it over, spilling his drink on the table and floor. 

“Jongdae, what's wrong?” Chanyeol’s voice is laced with so much concern and Jongdae can’t handle it. 

“I said I’m fine!” He shouts, shakily standing and storming out of the small café, bumping into someone on the way out. He hears the other two calling after him and he could swear he hears Minseok as well, but he must be imagining it. Tears continue to run down his face as he walks as fast as he can, memories flashing through his mind, drowning him in feelings he buried long ago.


	3. The Past Can Hurt...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry, I said this was going to be fluff with a hint of angst but now it’s more like fluff with a surprise explosion of angst. I’m bad at this fluff thing apparently….. 
> 
> Also! I apologize for this being so short, I just really wanted to post something.

Jongdae hears the door to his room open slowly. He pretends to be asleep, laying as still as possible with his eyes closed. He feels grateful when Minseok doesn’t turn on the light, opting to walk around in the dim lighting instead. However, he does not expect for the side of his bed to dip down slightly just a few minutes later. He is in no way prepared to deal with any person right now, even his roommate. He is mildly surprised when Minseok doesn’t say anything and simply lays down next to him, gently wrapping him in a hug. He drifts off to Minseok softly mumbling “It’s okay” and stroking his hair. 

Faint light glows behind the window shades when Jongdae opens his eyes again. The late afternoon sun casts the whole room in a dark amber glow. He feels the warmth of the person beside him and cuddles a bit closer, if only for a minute, before removing himself from Minseok’s side. He briefly wonders why he was there, until he remembers the previous night. Hoping to postpone the questions he is sure will come, he lays back down, slightly farther away from Minseok than before, and pretends to sleep. Minutes later he can feel Minseok stirring beside him. He keeps his eyes shut, willing Minseok to stand up and go away, but he does neither, instead opting to stay beside Jongdae. Upon realizing this, he rolls onto his side to face Minseok, letting out a soft sigh. 

“Ah, you’re awake? Did I wake you?” Minseok says softly.

“No, I’ve been awake,” Jongdae quietly replies. 

Silence hovers between them, seeming to fill the space with near tangible tension. The two seem to not notice the time slipping by until the silence is broken by the sound of a stomach growling. Minseok then rises from the bed and goes about making coffee and retrieving some of their snacks left over from the previous night from a small pile near his bed. He hands a mug to Jongdae as well as a small cake-like sweet. As Jongdae nibbles at his breakfast, Minseok looks him over in concern. 

“Hey do you want to talk about it?” Minseok says suddenly.

Jongdae does not reply, and gently makes it clear that his lack of response was intentional as he continues to eat and take small sips of the coffee.

“Okay I won’t pry,” Minseok says easily. 

Jongdae internally sighs in relief, glad that he dropped the subject quickly. 

Throughout the day, the memories and thoughts he thought would no longer plague him swirled around in his head. Focusing on anything was about as impossible as sprouting wings and flying away. He hardly noticed that Minseok was being extra nice to him; offering to carry books, buying his favorite snacks, ordering food he knows Jongdae loves, and, most of all, not leaving his side unless absolutely necessary. At night he lays down and his thoughts won’t be quiet and let him sleep. 

_ Why now? After all these years? After all the time I spent helping Chanyeol? After everyone is happy and together again? After everything is finally going well in everyone’s lives, including mine? Why must these memories resurface? Why won’t the guilt go away?  _

_ **************************************************************************************** _

_ “Aww! You two look so cute together!” Jongdae’s older brother, Jongdeok, said to his best friend, Jonghyun, and his best friend’s new boyfriend, Kibum, who were standing in the Kim’s living room. Jongdae peaked around the door and stared at the three elder boys all two years older than himself. Jongdae knew his brother’s friend for almost his entire life. By the time Jongdae was in preschool, his brother and Jonghyun had already met and became friends for life. Now he was just starting 7th grade. His brother and his friend were starting high school. An indescribable excitement ran through him when he learned his brother’s friend had a boyfriend. _

_ “Jongdae, come here!” He heard Jongdeok yell. _

_ He quickly made a large loop back to the doorway to make it look like he hadn’t just been eavesdropping. “Yes?” He asked innocently. _

_ “Jonghyun has some exciting news.” _

_ It took every ounce of willpower Jongdae had to not say ‘I know’. _

_ “Meet my boyfriend, Kibum,” Jonghyun said with a sheepish smile.  _

_ Jongdae quickly bowed his head toward him, face-splitting smile on his face.  _

_ “You can’t tell anyone, okay?” Jongdeok said seriously. _

_ “I won’t!” Jongdae promised.  _

_ Later on, when Jongdae was hanging out with his friends at school, without meaning to he lets it slip that Jonghyun was dating Kibum. He tried to quickly brush past it and move on, knowing immediately that he did wrong. He thought it worked. He thought that he covered it up, that he talked enough for them to forget it. He thought it would be okay. It never occurred to him that one of them would tell their older sibling or that the rumor would spread around the high school. He was never expecting Jongdeok to run into his room, visibly angry, demanding to know if he had told anyone. Jongdae just stared at the ground and nodded, not able to meet his brother’s eyes. His brother slammed the door shut and he could hear his angry steps all the way down the hall until another door, his brother’s, slammed shut. The two of them didn’t talk for a while after that, Jongdae always made himself small in front of his brother, guilt quietly eating at him.  _

_ Days later, his brother came into Jongdae’s room, softly calling out to him. Jongdae looked up from his work and glanced at his brother before staring at the floor at Jongdeok’s feet. He walked over to Jongdae and knelt, trying to meet Jongdae’s eyes. _

_ “Hey, look at me,” he said softly.  _

_ Jongdae reluctantly lifted his eyes.  _

_ “If you are avoiding me because of Jonghyun and Kibum, then don’t. I’m not mad anymore. It’s okay.” _

_ “Really?” _

_ “Yeah just don’t do it again, okay?” _

_ “Okay…”  _

_ And Jongdae thought it was okay. He had no idea that from then on, Jonghyun and Kibum would be bullied ruthlessly for being gay. He had no idea that their group of friends would be reduced to just the three of them. He was oblivious to it all. That is, until late one Friday night, Kibum had banged on the door of their house. The two brothers both had come down to answer the door, but Jongdae had stopped behind the same door he had hidden behind just weeks ago. Kibum had come in sobbing, looking like a total mess. Jongdeok shushed him and wrapped him in a tight hug, then led him to the couch to sit down.  _

_ “J-Jongdeok, am… am I really that disgusting?” Kibum asked weakly. _

_ “No, no Kibum,” Jongdeok tried to sooth him.  _

_ “B-but then why? Why do people hate me? Why do they look at me like I’m something rotten they can’t be bothered to clean up?” Kibum’s voice was getting stronger, but tears were still falling down his cheeks and sobs erupted again after he finished speaking.  _

_ “I don’t know Kibum, I just don’t know…” Jongdeok trailed off. They sat without talking for a while, letting Kibum’s soft sobs be the only thing they could hear. Finally Jongdeok asked, “Why didn’t you go to Jonghyun?”  _

_ “I,” he faltered, then took a breath, “I don’t want him to know how much it effects me.”  _

_ Jongdeok looked at him with so much pity and sorrow, Jongdae could sense how much he was hurting for his new friend.  _

_ Eventually Jongdeok got up and offered to walk Kibum home. Jongdae decided to go back to bed, and had no idea his brother didn’t come back that night, but rather early in the morning after spending the night at Kibum’s.  _

_ They endured this for a full year. Then, months into Jongdae’s 8th grade, his brother’s sophomore year, it happened. Jonghyun ran at full speed toward Jongdeok and Jongdae as they walked home together.  _

_ “Jongdeok wait! Help!” He was out of breath when he reached the two of them. “Help,” he panted, “It’s Kibum… you have to help.”  _

_ Jongdeok turned to his younger brother and told him to wait there, then the two older boys ran back the way Jonghyun had come.  _

_ Minutes later, a police car whizzed past, sirens wailing, followed by an ambulance. Jongdae then ran after his brother and Jonghyun, but was met along the way by Jongdeok, who grabbed his arm and began running home, towing his little brother behind him. Jongdae had so many questions but kept his mouth shut. When they got home, they dropped off their bags and quickly got into the car. Their mother drove them to the hospital. When they arrived, Jongdeok leapt out of the car and ran in, Jongdae following at a slower pace. When Jongdae caught up, he saw his brother with an arm wrapped around a sobbing Jonghyun. Jonghyun looked awful. His shirt was torn and filthy with dirt and  _ was that blood? _ His face was streaked with tears, eyes puffy and bloodshot. Bruises were darkening on his arms and one on his cheek was turning a particularly nasty shade of purple.  _

_ The three of them eventually sat down and waited hours until a doctor approached. Jonghyun immediately stood up and demanded to know how Kibum was. The doctor simply stated that he needed to see Kibum’s guardian. Thus, it took another two hours to find out what happened. Kibum had been beaten within an inch of his life. He had too many broken bones to count, a nearly deadly concussion, several areas where he was bleeding internally, as well as the bruises, cuts, and burns covering him from head to toe.  _

_ Days later they learned that Kibum was in a coma. _

_ Months later they were excited that he finally regained consciousness. _

_ Hours later they found out Kibum couldn’t remember them. _

_ A week later Kibum started his recovery process.  _

_ ****************************************************************************************** _

_ And it’s all my fault. If only I had never said anything in the first place. If only I could have kept my mouth shut.  _


	4. What Are Friends For?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so no, I did not abandon this! I won’t, I promise!! I’m so sorry for all the long waits and inconsistent posting!! 
> 
> Also good and bad news, this fic is ending in THREE CHAPTERS (whaaat) yep just three left after this one :O 
> 
> Please feel free to comment and such, it makes me happy =D

By the time the sun is starting to peek through their window, Jongdae still hadn’t gotten any sleep. He decides that it is pointless now and drags himself out of bed. Carefully and quietly he gets ready for the day, combing his hair, brushing his teeth, changing into a nice, comfortable shirt, and slipping out before Minseok can wake up. He makes his way to the cafeteria to grab something solid to eat. As he continues through his morning, the same thoughts pop up in his head. By the time his first class is supposed to start, he isn’t sure he can make it through today without falling apart. He hardly pays attention and only noticed class has ended when the room is mostly empty. When he is in the hallway, Chanyeol runs over to him, grabbing his arm to get Jongdae’s attention.    
“Hey, what happened the other day? Are you okay?” Chanyeol is clearly worried and it makes Jongdae feel incredibly guilty for not explaining anything to him.    
“It’s nothing. I’m fine.” Jongdae lies, giving what he hopes is a convincing smile.    
Chanyeol scowls. “Don’t lie Jongdae. Not to me.” 

More guilt twists his stomach into knots. “I… Okay I’m not fine but I would really prefer to not talk about it.” 

Chanyeol bites his lips and, although he is very concerned and wants to know more, doesn’t press any further, hoping Jongdae will open up to him about what is bothering him eventually. 

However, Chanyeol is not nearly as patient as Jongdae and this had been the first time since they met that he had seen Jongdae cry.  As the day goes on he becomes more agitated and Jongdae can tell that Chanyeol is barely containing his questions. Around mid-afternoon, Chanyeol finally can’t take it.

“Jongdae please talk to me. I’m your friend, you can trust me with anything, you know that right?” 

“I appreciate the offer Chanyeol, but I’m really not in the mood to talk about it.” 

“You’ve helped me through so much, the least I could do it offer to listen to your problems.”

Jongdae really can’t take it and yells at Chanyeol, “What do you not get about I don’t want to?! Please, leave me alone!” 

Chanyeol looks taken aback and his eyes swim with hurt. Jongdae feels guilty for the millionth time that day and decides it would be best to just go back to his dorm before snapping at anyone else, or worse, snapping at Chanyeol again. He can hear Chanyeol follow him all the way back to his room, but thankfully he doesn’t follow him in. 

Jongdae sits on his bed and simply rests his head in his hands and sits in silence, trying to sort through his thoughts and emotions. He has no idea how long he had been sitting there when the door opens and he hears Minseok’s voice, which falls quiet when he spots Jongdae. He feels his bed dip beside him and hears the other bed creak softly.  _ Great _ , he thinks,  _ Minseok brought Chanyeol and probably Baekhyun and they are going to try to get me to tell them what's wrong and I really don’t want to talk about this- _

His thoughts are cut off when he looks up and, to his surprise, is met with two slightly concerned, smiling faces. Faces that definitely don’t belong to Chanyeol and Baekhyun. 

“Hey, how are you feeling today?” Minseok says softly. Jongdae glances at him, then looks at the ground and shrugs. 

“Do you mind that I brought Jongin and Kyungsoo over? We can go somewhere else if you would rather not have them here right now.” 

“No!” Jongdae says too loudly and too quickly. “You don’t have to go, it’s fine!” He really just didn’t want Minseok to leave, and he liked the other two, so he figured it couldn’t hurt. 

Minseok smiles at him again. Then he ruffles Jongdae’s hair as he stands up, walking to the still-very-much-there pile of candy and other snacks, grabbing four different ones and tossing one to each person in the room. He then flops on his own bed and pulls his laptop onto his legs. Kyungsoo and Jongin crowd around it as Minseok starts typing something and soon the three of them are laughing at whatever is on the screen. Jongdae can hear the random bits of music and dialogue from clearly unrelated videos that the trio seems to think are so amusing. Growing curious, he gets up and shuffles over. The others notice and quickly, wordlessly, make room for him right between Minseok, who had been sitting on the left, and Jongin, who was sitting in the middle, with the computer having been shifted onto his lap. Minseok wraps an arm around his back and leans closer.  _ To see the screen better, _ Jongdae thinks. 

After a long while of watching funny videos, sharing music with each other, and taking turns playing completely pointless games, Jongdae finally smiles, sincerely and with mirth swimming in his scrunched eyes. He can see the others smiling with him out of the corner of his eyes. If he didn’t know better he would have thought he had seen relief in those smiles. 

Much later that afternoon, well, evening, the four have sprawled on the floor, watching a movie on the too-small-for-four-people screen of the laptop, now resting on no one’s legs, instead lying a slight distance away on the floor. Kyungsoo is using Jongin’s arm as a pillow and Jongin is resting his head on Kyungsoo’s as they lie on their stomachs. Jongdae thinks that the position can’t possibly be that comfortable, but he doesn’t say anything, because they look so cute like that and honestly, if it isn’t comfortable, they don’t seem bothered. Jongdae himself is wrapped in his favorite fluffy pink blanket lying side by side, but not touching, with Minseok, who is wrapped in his incredibly soft wolf blanket. The four fall asleep just like that, with peaceful smiles on their faces. 

The next day arrives and is met with Jongin and Kyungsoo rushing out the door because “Oh shit, we are so going to be late for class.” (As Kyungsoo so eloquently put it while Jongin nudged him in the side, quietly scolding him for swearing.) 

“Feeling better?” Minseok asks as the two roommates get up and begin their daily morning routines. 

“A bit, yeah” Jongdae mumbles around a toothbrush. Minseok casts a fond smile his way. 

“That’s good, I’m glad.” 

The rest of the morning passes in comfortable silence, only being broken when they say their “See you later, have a good day” to each other. 

 

Jongdae had promised days ago, before all this happened, to meet up with Chanyeol and Baekhyun. Now he isn’t so sure he wants to see them. His day hasn’t been great. In fact, without Minseok and his friends to distract him, he hasn’t been able to get his mind off of  _ those stupid memories _ . He wants to run back to his room and into Minseok’s arms and just sleep what's left of the day away, but plans are plans and he is not about to ditch his friends. So he reluctantly drags his feet to the ice cream parlor where they agreed to meet. 

He gets there before the other two, so he orders first and claims the seats next to the window. The two run in minutes later, flashing apologetic smiles at Jongdae before getting their own ice cream and sitting down. Everything seems to be going just fine. They talk about this new computer game Baekhyun had been obsessed with and claims he is already an expert at. About a new movie they all want to see, how the weather is getting colder, their opinions on various things such as rainy days versus sunny days, which easily turns into playful fighting and ends with the three walking out, Baekhyun shaking sprinkles out of his hair. 

They decide to enjoy the last of the nice weather and take a walk. A spark of jealousy flares in Jongdae’s heart when Chanyeol and Baekhyun grasp each other’s hands and interlock their fingers. It quickly fades as they restart their conversation but then, for Jongdae at least, things begin to go downhill. He hasn’t been oblivious to the concerned looks his best friend is still casting him. He’s been doing that since he sat down at the ice cream parlor. Jongdae can tell that Chanyeol is reaching his limit to how long he can keep his mouth shut about it, so he is not surprised when Chanyeol eventually asks “So, can you tell us what happened the other day?” 

Jongdae looks at Chanyeol and then Baekhyun and his heart feels like it stopped because Baekhyun is also looking at him with so much concern and he realizes that this whole time Baekhyun too had been sneaking concerned glances at him. Guilt. Guilt pools in his stomach and hardens into lead. His thoughts become an incoherent swirl in his head. All he can do is shake his head at the pair, hoping they leave it alone. They don’t. 

“Please talk to us,” Baekhyun pleads. 

“We only want to help,” Chanyeol adds. 

“Guys, please, I’m serious, don’t ask me again. I don’t want to talk about it. Please.” Jongdae can tell this pains the couple but his friends do end up reluctantly changing the topic. He is so grateful because he doesn’t want to put all these terrible memories on anyone else. He doesn’t want to admit that he wasn’t always so trustworthy, especially not to these two. 

Eventually it gets late enough that Jongdae really just wants to go home and Baekhyun has started complaining about how much studying he really should be doing so the trio parts, Chanyeol steering his whining boyfriend home while Jongdae slowly makes his way back to his room. He unlocks the door and walks into the quiet, dimly lit room. After taking off his shoes he flops down on his bed, immediately curling up and burying his face in his pillow. 

“Long day?” Comes a soft voice from across the room. 

Jongdae just grunts in reply.

Minseok’s cute laugh fills the air. “Okay well, get some sleep” 

The dim light is turned off and Jongdae can feel the bed next to him dip down and warmth spread across his back before he lets sleep overtake his exhausted mind. 


End file.
